PDA

View Full Version : The man eye, mens book, dumb as a fox


Lizzy Bordon
04-26-2009, 11:52 PM
Ok, I am spending way too much time home. I am seeing way to much "Dumb as a fox going on now".

Ever find yourself in the situation where your hubby can not find anything unless he falls over it. I can stand there and say....put out your right hand, move it 7 inches over to the left.......Ok there is the ketchup or what ever. Yes the guys at work did the same thing.

I hardly ask for any favors, once in a great while very simple things. Today, please hang the bedspread out for me on the line taking daughter to horse show, got up 5AM, washed the horse, hitched trailer, loaded saddles, paper work, hay, ect. Giant bedspread will not fit in the dryer. I told her even though I made the hand signs and drew an imaginary picture.....He will say he forgot, did not hear me even though asked to repeat it. I have never ever asked him to do this before...I was just plain busy. We are pulling down the road, I asked her so you think he hung out the stuff in the washer....her reply "nope". Now we are tag teaming him.

TODAY.....I get home asked if he remembered to hang out the few little things in the washer..........DA DA DA.....BLINK BLINK....Deer in the headlights look.....OK here it comes. He actually said "Where is it"??? WTF....OK thats it,,, how bad can a guy lie???? For crying out loud the washing machine is in the master bathroom where it always is. My neighbors were over and I whirled around and hissed..........OH I FORGOT TO MENTION I MOVED THE WASHING MACHINE TO THE CELLAR FOR THE FUN OF IT LAST NIGHT. He just looked at me....steam shooting out of my ears after getting sunburn all day at the horse show and having to unload the horse and trailer. My nails grew 10 inches in 1 second. My neighbors also men just stood there looking.......same man eye rule book.....OK lets think of a good lie......hmmmm none speechless, she is pissed we are all screwed. They are all hanging out listening to a football thing on the radio. ALL DAY.....which is fine....except....

Next I notice something still smells real bad like dead people. I mentioned it for two days. Its 90 degrees today and the dead thing is smelling up the whole house.....it just happens to be a deer, legs, antlers, things he loves to shoot....I am positive he can find it on his own--I pointed at it....follow the smell......"I very nicely asked since I am forbidden to use the tractor with the big digger" (another man thing) "Could you please dump a few buckets of dirt on the deer"??? Lyme maybe....He looks at me and says with what.....??? WTF again......I told him THINK would it be easier to use the tractor or a flower pot? I do not care just make the dead deer go away.

Why can't a guy just admit it. Just say....I just dont want too and deal with getting killed right off the bat??? I always joke - OK did you look with the man eye or both....we can only use one and not both.....or get out your man book and look for one of those un written rules....ahhh the secret man book.....it can get you out of anything just act dumb as a fox until you force your spouse into a melt down...

OK,,,,,,so why, why, why do you guys do this?????

P.S. I won he burried the stupid deer....he waited until it really stunk bad so what did he gain? Men.

I parked the horse trailer/truck in the middle of the driveway off center to piss him off..........I hid the keys........so take that. I am so ticked I think I will go outside once he falls asleep and mow the lawn.....yes lower that blade down so the grass gets burnt.....I am going to zig zag all over and make him nuts to get even. He has a certain pattern he likes to mow in, each tire has to over lap the last path.......Hmmm let me think.....I forgot do not touch the tractor......lawn is nice and pretty like a golf course.....The man book is it really worth it?? Wonder if I can spell dead deer in the grass in the dark. Maybe he will remember next time.:eek: I can see Swamp rat now.....oh god take a moment and dont do that....not.....!!!

Laughing my a$$ off paybacks are a *****!!!

So what have you done lately, forgot to do, that got you on the **** list??

glover
04-27-2009, 05:03 PM
can you ask your husband where he got his book from, I've lost mine and can' find it anywhere?

Koga
04-27-2009, 06:07 PM
whats the problem ?

Koga
PS this was alot more intresting to read than swamp amd all those idiots argueing the same s$#@# over and over and................. thanks !

LostArt
04-27-2009, 06:12 PM
http://www.avowners.com/forum/smileys/ass843xx.gif http://www.avowners.com/forum/smileys/cool141.gif

That was hilarious Lizzy girl! And so dag gum right!

The boss knows how to wash the clothes and put them in the dryer. But, that's about it. For some reason the clothes are suppose to miraculously fold themselves and make their way to our dresser drawers. This is why it's one chore he doesn't want. Not long ago he wanted me to take on the chore of taking out the garbage. I said, "Okay so then you can take on one of mine." I mention the dishwasher. He didn't want that one since you do have to take them out and put them away. Then I mentioned washing the clothes. Right, he decided the garbage take out ONCE a week wasn't all that bad. :D

Men.

Koga
04-27-2009, 06:40 PM
it all ! Oh thats right its just me now ... never mind. :D

Koga

LostArt
04-27-2009, 06:44 PM
it all ! Oh thats right its just me now ... never mind. :D

Koga

LOL! Which the only thing I'd have extra to do would be taking out the trash and riding the zero turn lawnmower. Heck, I might even fish a few tournaments! :D

BigClive
04-27-2009, 09:19 PM
it all ! Oh thats right its just me now ... never mind. :D

Koga

Yeah, and once you'd worked out that EVERYTHING can be washed on a single setting it was easy. Just get clothes that you can bang in the washer, bang in the dryer and then wear. No need for an iron or "storage".

I still think we need a mans washing machine with a single GO button.

Figurehead
04-28-2009, 02:30 AM
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither work worth a ****!

LostArt
04-28-2009, 06:00 AM
I'd like to hear those two theories Figurehead. Not that they would work, but let's hear them anyway. :D

Heck, even Danny would at least mention them! :D

Figurehead
04-29-2009, 02:50 AM
The way your questions phrased I feel challenged. It's a funny joke to me but I had just as big a chuckle reading your question.

LostArt
04-29-2009, 07:25 AM
I know what you mean. Remember I've been married a while. I've heard it all. And seen the many sheepish grins too! :D

I'm forever looking for my glasses. Never the keys, purse, or any other thing that women may lose. So, I get ribbed about that a lot. One day the Boss couldn't find his keys. I said, "You don't say. Naah, their not lost. You put them right where you left them."

Yeah, I threw his words right back at him! :D

Does any of you guys ever have your wives stick their tongue out at ya? I do that alot at my house! :p

Lizzy Bordon
05-10-2009, 11:14 PM
Lost Art seriously...I can not imagine me sticking my tongue at my husband, flip him the double bird if he really ticks me off maybe.

He was just telling our new neighbors one of his man stories again and I walked in perfect timing as usual. I saved a baby deer that got hit by a car. Had it in the dog run until it was healed up. He wanted to take it up in the woods and let it go BUT he wanted to stuff it in a big dog crate to get it there. He wanted me to help......I got out the Women's Bible and it said never ever try to stuff Bambi in a dog crate you will get slashed to death by Freddie Kruger. He trys it.........yes it was ugly. Now he wants me to drive the gator and he is going to sit in the back holding Bambi Freddie Kruger. I look in my book said no way, you want to get killed go ahead I'll watch. He insists so I fire up the gator again Bambi freaks. He gets his butt kicked again. Now he is pissed its all my fault because I am laughing my ass off. He decides to carry Bambi. I am following for moral support and a cell phone to call 911. He gets as far as the road and Bambi lets loose and kicks his ass big time. He was trying to hang on to the fawns legs. He got slashed big time across his hand......Sorry.....yes I was laughing. I still laugh everytime I think about it. Big bad hunter gets butt kicked. Bambi Freddie ran back to the woods by herself. I wish I had my cell phone he would be on Utube. She kicked the John Deere hat right off his head.......OK I wonder if he will try to carry another fawn again.

tolex42
05-11-2009, 04:42 PM
I would tell my wife "I'll climb the poles, you do the housework". She divorced me. Now I have to do the housework too.

LostArt
05-11-2009, 05:40 PM
I would tell my wife "I'll climb the poles, you do the housework". She divorced me. Now I have to do the housework too.

Probably not funny Tolex, but I had to grin. :D

I like Lizzy's stories. They always have me grinning for sure! Maybe because I can relate to some of her stories. I don't know! :D

BigClive
05-11-2009, 06:54 PM
I would tell my wife "I'll climb the poles, you do the housework". She divorced me. Now I have to do the housework too.

Look on the bright side. You've loads of extra cash to spend on gadgets. Unless she managed to get some weird settlement.

Lizzy Bordon
05-11-2009, 06:59 PM
Reminds me of my ex. I commuted 96 miles one way to work and he was 6 miles from work. He told me one day "A side salad would be nice with his lunch".........notice I said ex. He said he wishes he knew how much it sucked to grocery shop, clean, mow the lawn, ect he would have been a little nicer. I used to get out the ladder strip the windows, paint and caulk. I refused to do his laundry anymore it was priceless. The washer was on the same breaker with the microwave and ect would trip a lot. He could not figure out how to turn on the washing machine so he stood in the cellar flipping the breakers thought maybe it was tripped. Oh....he is a lineman now. He was dating a girl later we worked with she called me in tears said the kitchen sink was plugged for 3 days he wouldnt fix it. I told her he never had too I did it all for him but I was not fixing their sink.....She dumped him too.

Lizzy Bordon
05-11-2009, 07:03 PM
I do feel sorry for anyone who is gone for days and still has to come home and mow, laundry, ect. I always figured if I was ever lucky enough to sit home all day I would try to make life less painful for my significant other busting his hump.

I did work with a bunch of guys would work storms for days and get calls their wives would not do a thing at home, cellar flooded ect. OMG cant imagine.

LostArt
05-11-2009, 11:21 PM
This has actually been said by man, "Once you let them know you can do it, they will expect it and more." However, I always thought that could be two-sided. :D

Kidding aside, as much as the Boss teases me, he atleast appreciates what I can and have done while he was away from home. I often wonder if it was because I grew up on a farm. You know, just doing what needed to be done or atleast trying to figure it out. I didn't have time to be helpless or expect it to be done when the Boss got home. Heck, I had more patience than he did back then! :D

We are moving into our senior years and find most of the time doing things together. Which I find pretty rewarding....for both of us.

One thing I do more of than I did back when we were young, I speak my mind. He says I've become sassy. I say that I'm carrying on a conversation. He asks what does that mean. I say it means that it's just us now and I have a say so too.

He grins. I grin back.

Highplains Drifter
05-12-2009, 12:18 AM
We are moving into our senior years

Wow http://www.msnpro.com/Humor/MISC/36_11_1[1].gif I thought senior years was the 70's and golden years was the 80's!!!

LostArt
05-12-2009, 07:58 AM
Wow http://www.msnpro.com/Humor/MISC/36_11_1[1].gif I thought senior years was the 70's and golden years was the 80's!!!

We are all moving that way Drifter. You are kinda drifting that way too, eh? :D

My children have always said that I tend to extend my age. My daughter doesn't understand this. Actually, most women wouldn't understand it! :D

tolex42
05-12-2009, 12:12 PM
Look on the bright side. You've loads of extra cash to spend on gadgets. Unless she managed to get some weird settlement.

Lee Trevino once said "I have made so much money in my career that now none of my ex-wives husbands will ever have to work"

Highplains Drifter
05-12-2009, 10:31 PM
LA, hopefully you and you're Boss will be this actve in the Golden Years! (http://sharing.mayoclinic.org/2009/04/07/mayo-clinic-music-fun/)

LostArt
05-13-2009, 03:20 AM
LA, hopefully you and you're Boss will be this actve in the Golden Years! (http://sharing.mayoclinic.org/2009/04/07/mayo-clinic-music-fun/)

And hopefully just as CUTE!!!!!! :D