loodvig
11-15-2007, 08:01 AM
Two Inventions
The two most important events in all of history were
the invention of the wheel, and the invention of beer.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These
were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and
Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that
was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass
bottle nor the aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing
animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking
beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
"the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
hunting learned to live off the conservatives by
showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these
liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy and the concept of Democratic voting to
decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be
symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
added), but most prefer white wine or imported
bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most
of their women have higher testosterone levels
than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher
also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, Marines, athletes and generally
anyone who works productively. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want
to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers and decide how to
redistribute the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.
That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in later, after the Wild West was
tamed, and created a business of trying to get
MORE for nothing.
The two most important events in all of history were
the invention of the wheel, and the invention of beer.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These
were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and
Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that
was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass
bottle nor the aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing
animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking
beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
"the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
hunting learned to live off the conservatives by
showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these
liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy and the concept of Democratic voting to
decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be
symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
added), but most prefer white wine or imported
bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most
of their women have higher testosterone levels
than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher
also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, Marines, athletes and generally
anyone who works productively. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want
to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers and decide how to
redistribute the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.
That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in later, after the Wild West was
tamed, and created a business of trying to get
MORE for nothing.